Alan Shearer is already taking out insurance on being a false Messiah

Another of those weeks when very little made sense and, once again, the catalyst was Alan Shearer. There he was surrounded by adoring press doing his best to look like a Messiah (albeit a pro-tem Messiah) and in reply to a tame question admitted he had taken the job because a friend had said to him how would he feel if he didn’t take the job and Newcastle managed to stay up.

This was odd. Surely the point of being a Messiah/Hero to the Geordie nation is that you take on the role because you could not live with dodging your destiny and Newcastle being turfed out of the promised land. If your nation, be it Jewish or Geordie, can be saved by a stricken Joe Kinnear or interim Chris Hughton there really is little call for a Messiah. With one answer Shearer had revealed that this whole exercise is all about Shearer and very little to do with Newcastle. He, and his brand, couldn’t live with someone else receiving credit for something he might have done so he graciously/grudgingly agreed to do it for however many hundreds of grand a game. Once again it is all about Shearer. If he succeeds he is hailed; if he fails he can say like so many false Messiahs before him, “if only I had had the time”.

The Shearer brand is based on the Shearer look and it was in evidence as he cased his many friends in the press room just reminding them, if such a reminder were needed, that it would be unwise to stray out of line. He even tried it on the fans, perhaps trying to stare down anyone tempted to put in an early critical call to 606. It is very similar to the look that Alan Sugar employs from his stacked chair as he surveys his boardroom full of nincompoops and it is probable that Shearer used it in his job interview.

Big Al has the brand, the look, the patented goal celebration but he doesn’t have the medals to back it all up. In fact he only has a single medal (1994-1995) for actual achievement and a host of gongs for mythical achievements (Overall Player of the Decade, Outstanding Contribution to the Premier League and the rest). Ruud Gullit was on to something when he told him he was “the most overrated player he had ever seen”, even if it cost him his job. It is also notable that the Geordie that Alex Ferguson regrets not signing most is the rickety and unreliable Gascoigne rather than the creosoted Shearer, and not signing him has never cost him his job.

Shearer’s appointment will automatically improve Match of the Day and thereby allow the BBC to increase its advantage over its only terrestrial competitor as ITV’s coverage continues to be hobbled by an over-reliance on one man. When they have a slot to fill the call goes up “Where’s Andy?” and, having located the tagged Townsend, the cameras are dispatched to do the show right there with Andy and whoever else is around. So it was that Wednesday night’s “reaction” programme featured Andy and drinking buddy Graeme Le Saux and someone who I assume must have been an autograph hunter and had been roped in at the last minute to do a bit of linking under the obviously cod name Matt Smith. How else to explain a discussion on “Being Wayne Rooney” which possessed not a shred of sense and Smith’s perpetual use of the phrase “at international level”. As in “you can’t waste chances at international level” whereas, I suppose, at national level, as the career of Shearer attests you can waste as many as you like and still be judged to have made the “outstanding contribution”.

Goodison Park, 3pm, Sunday 5 April

Daniel Greenwood, Observer reader When Everton were knocked out of the Uefa cup in September, the prospects for the season were grim. Though I never felt we had the financial clout to uproot any of the Sky-four, a battle for European football is now familiar to us Blues. But, as ever, Moyes has pulled it off. Playing a group of fixtures including Liverpool three times and Arsenal and United in close proximity gave Everton the thirst for the challenge. And now we face a Wigan side looking to steal our spot. The task for any team beneath the top four is to keep an eye over your shoulder, but Moyes also knows that a one-game-at-a-time philosophy breeds success, and believe me, if anyone else knows how to get Champions’ League football, it’s the Stoic Scot. And so we look to beat Wigan and achieve what in September looked so unlikely – a return to the top six.

Due a big game Jô – The Brazilian has impressed with his positive forward play, but his sour time at City has put his progress back by several months.

Paul Farrington, Wiganer.net We had a fortunate 1-0 win over the Toffees at our place earlier in the season and we’d certainly take the same result this time around. We’re still struggling to find form since the January transfer merry-go-round and Amr Zaki isn’t the same player who started the season. Thankfully our defence is strong and there is every chance that if we nick a goal, we can come away with three points. As for Everton, it is an inspiriation to clubs like ourselves that we could one day emulate them and go on to become perennial European candidates. David Moyes has done a very good job and it shows what a little bit of continuity can do for a club. We have certainly learned a great deal from our forray up the table so far this season. It will be nice to see former Latic, Leighton Baines who recently earned a call up to the England squad.

Due a big game Zaki & Mido – Time to let the football do the talking

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Old Trafford, Sunday 5 April, 4pm

Shaun O’Donnell, Observer reader

We go into this game on the back of two successive league defeats, which has let the Scousers and the media think they have already won the league, but we won’t lie down and let that happen. Regardless of players coming back from international duties, our lot will be well up for it and out to avenge the previous week’s debacles. Aston Villa look like a team “shot” and the hopes of them reaching the coveted fourth spot looks like fading as a resurgent Arsenal seem to have found a second wind. Coupled with our excellent record against them and the fact that Martin O’Neill has never beaten Manchester United as Aston Villa manager, that is why I expect us to win. We’re minus a few players due to suspensions and injuries but expect to see Giggs, Park and Fletcher start, with Ronaldo partnering Tevez up front. Who would have thought a month ago that we would be going into this must-win game with such nervousness, but we can take comfort from the fact that every time the Scousers had the opportunity of pulling away from the chasing pack when they were leading they bottled it – after all, they are sponsored by Carlsberg. I can see us winning 2-0 with the comfort of knowing we have players rested for Tuesday against Porto.

Due a big game Cristiano Ronaldo – Cometh the hour cometh the man, we need our best player to be firing on all cylinders and not following around the referee moaning.

Jonathan Pritchard, Observer reader Funny how quick the milk turns sour! Sadly our lack of January transfer activity has come home to roost. I agree that signings for signings’ sake do no good but some churning of the bench with loans etc may have helped the fatigue that clearly has afflicted us. Tactically I’m not sure march will be remembered by MON as his finest month but the two weeks off has to be looked upon as a watershed. We have seven winnable games left and sunday is not an impossible mission. Reverting to 451 is a must and if we can get to mid april just 5 or 6 points behind arsenal that the race for fourth isn’t over. Maybe the lack of pressure will help us? Perspective is required,of course, BUT, will history tell us that frugality or inertia cost us?

Due a big game Gabriel Agbonlahor – Come on Gabby, prove the man in the street wrong. A troubled united back four should be unhinged by his pace and he could re-endear himself with everyone with a choke-out showing.

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New manager casts off his pundit’s caution as he sees first hand how tough it will be to keep his struggling team in the top flight

This report is a messiah-free zone, because to ascribe too many miraculous powers to Alan Shearer would only conceal the mediocrity of the side he now has seven games to save from relegation.

They can change the icon but the chaos that brought such a motley band of players to the Tyneside cathedral is still wreaking damage. Half an hour into this 2-0 defeat to Chelsea, Shearer watched Jonás Gutiérrez make a hash of a cross and yelled to his assistant, Iain Dowie: “That’s useless, that is!” Too late, you might cry, has Shearer’s punditry acquired an acerbic edge.

On the evidence of some fruity denunciations of his team’s often abject play we could conclude that he will do his best work for Match of the Day in the technical area of the ground he graced as a player. The last of the saviours will fancy his chances of a win a bit more at Stoke on Saturday yet this performance will hardly encourage him to break his pledge to stay for eight games and eight games only.

“It was a very hard task when I arrived and it’s harder now,” he said. “We know we’re in a fight and we’ll give it a fight. I’m still confident, and my players are, that we can avoid the drop.”

Outside the players’ entrance here, there is a bank of steps where the upturned faces of the barcode congregation have gathered over the years to cheer, beg, welcome back, denounce, protest, despair and generally vent their emotions on a club who have toyed mercilessly with their emotions. These scenes have led outsiders to see Newcastle’s following as a kind of cult for whom adoration of the leader is a necessary part of the St James’ Park experience. Shearer, though, is not buying into it.

Kevin Keegan always stepped on to this stage with a faintly moist-eyed, choked up look, but for “Super Al” it was the gunslinger’s entrance in a white shirt and tie and smart grey suit. As the snappers jostled and the bulbs flashed he walked to his vantage point at a stately pace and offered no acknowledgment to the crowd.

High marks are earned for that. The caretaker was being true to his promise not to hog the frame. He has seen too many empty personality cults to make himself another one. He left the field the same way after goals from Frank Lampard and Florent Malouda had left Newcastle three points from safety.

“I’ll try and do everything to deflect the thing away from myself. I think the result might do that, to be honest. Not that that’s a positive. Yeah, I was determined to try and keep it as low-key as possible.”

Inscrutability was always Shearer’s favourite mask and he wore it well except when forgetting that his comments were audible in the press seats. As the game commenced his gaze settled on a jumble of players assembled in different eras and from contrasting managerial philosophies, most of them incompatible.

“Who’s supposed to be picking up John Terry?” he demanded of Dowie after the England captain had carted his special brand of menace into the Newcastle penalty area for a set-piece. These are the unglamorous specifics of the survival trade: proper marking, defensive set-ups and the like. If messianic auras play a role in these areas, it is only to inspire players to perform the jobs they have been assigned on the training ground and in team talks.

Relegation-threatened teams place results against the Big Four clubs in a separate file. These are matches they expect not to win. Which is just as well, because Newcastle have not beaten Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester United or Arsenal in 17 attempts. They have one win from 13 Premier League matches, or six from 31 overall. They have had as many managers (four) as they can claim home victories. This was their 200th Premier League defeat.

There is a pattern there, and Shearer can only hope to change it in the next seven games through sheer force of personality. He can neither buy new players nor sell those who materialised from obscure locations and have no business wearing a Newcastle shirt. He is heavily dependent on Michael Owen, Nicky Butt and Steven Taylor, who was absent yesterday.

According to the local paper, The Journal, “The Alan Shearer effect has created a spending boom in the region,” with the benefits felt in the “leisure, travel and retail sectors”. Five thousand extra ticket inquiries and an 8% rise in hotel bookings were cited as evidence. Hardly Klondike, but around town there was an unmistakable sense that this would be a day for expectant striding towards the ground rather than the usual pessimistic trudge.

By the time the game kicked off, though, the excitement seemed slightly mannered, as if the fans can no longer bring themselves to believe in saints. Not when they have to watch Ryan Taylor and Peter Lovenkrands. Or Obafemi Martins on one of his aimless days, which this undoubtedly was.

The pre-match idea was to urge Argentina’s Gutiérrez further forward and restore Owen to the heart of the team’s attacking play. Owen performed a role similar to Wayne Rooney’s for England, only a lot deeper, but Martins is no Emile Heskey or Peter Crouch. No real centre-forward play, a lack of width and duplication in a central midfield of Butt and Kevin Nolan: this is not a formula likely to have impressed Houdini.

At close of play, football across the north-east was threatening to take a three-club pratfall. A survey commissioned by the Football Association has found that this region produces more England players per head of population than any other. Yet Newcastle and Middlesbrough are in the Premier League’s bottom three, with Sunderland only one place higher. The odds are shortening on the fight to stay out of the third relegation spot descending into a giant derby match between Sunderland and Newcastle.

Home wins against Portsmouth, Boro and Fulham remain conceivable but even then points would be needed from the trips to Stoke, Spurs, Liverpool and Aston Villa on the final day. On his debut day as a manager, Shearer was looking at a team that reflects the endless sackings, U-turns and drift that landed Chris Hughton with the task of managing the side while Joe Kinnear was undergoing heart surgery.

Keegan, Kinnear, Hughton and Shearer. Even at such a capricious club no Newcastle fan could have expected that to be the managerial sequence in 31 Premier League assignments. For the fourth man in there can be no doubt now that this team need demolishing and reconstructing, which will cost money Mike Ashley, the owner, is probably disinclined to part with.

But for now Shearer can only be part priest, part hard man and part schemer as he seeks to eke out the 11-plus points Newcastle need to endure in the highest tier.

“The players don’t want to hear harsh things about themselves, they want to hear good things about themselves and the football club,” he said. Seven games to correct the seven deadly sins of chaotic ownership over many years.

This was not a day for Tony Mowbray to preach the values of playing free-flowing football. Stoke City’s direct and uncompromising approach is the antithesis of everything the West Brom manager represents but try telling the travelling supporters that their club would be better served following Mowbray’s mantra. “You should have played long-ball,” chanted the Stoke fans after goals from Ricardo Fuller and James Beattie secured a first away win of the season.

West Brom could not have made a worse start. There were only two minutes on the clock when Shelton Martis made a terrible hash of dealing with Danny Higginbotham’s channel ball, the central defender’s horrible misjudgment allowing Fuller to bear down on the West Brom goal before drilling a low shot that Scott Carson allowed to squirm under his body. It was a horrible goal to concede and one that neither Martis nor Carson will want to see again.

Stoke might easily have doubled their lead before the interval. Within three minutes of Fuller’s strike, Glenn Whelan curled a free-kick towards the top corner only for it to be tipped around the post by Carson and later in the half Matthew Etherington dragged a low shot across the face of the goal with only the West Brom keeper to beat. The home side offered little in response before the break, with Paul Robinson squandering their best chance when he failed to get a touch to Borja Valero’s in-swinging cross.

Four minutes after the restart the visitors doubled their lead following more unconvincing West Brom defending. Jonas Olsson’s challenge caused the ball to cannon off Gianni Zuiverloon, and Beattie, with a swing of his left boot, swept a glorious volley into the top corner. Chris Brunt later rattled the crossbar with a swerving 30-yard strike but belief had long drained from the West Brom players. Boos greeted the final whistle and relegation surely beckons.

What a surprise this was. Not that Alan Shearer failed to have an instant galvanising effect on the Newcastle players – no one actually believes he is capable of miracles – but that the famous Geordie crowd did not manage much of a response to the return of a favourite son.

There were no party hats à la King Kev, there was no great fanfare from a stadium announcer who announced Shearer as “the” new manager rather than “our” new manager, and most surprising of all there was not so much as a hint of Walking in a Shearer Wonderland from the crowd.

In point of fact there was nothing from the crowd. No bounce, no noise, no emotional welcome. The occasion was flat. Perhaps Newcastle are all messiahed out, and who could blame them?

Taking their lead from the terraces the teams duly served up a tepid, forgettable first half. You would never have guessed Chelsea were supposed to be challenging for the title, it looked a lot more like they were keeping their powder dry for Wednesday night at Anfield, when they will find a crowd capable of creating an atmosphere. In an almost featureless 45 minutes before the interval, only Salomon Kalou bringing a save from Steve Harper and Nicolas Anelka seeing a shot blocked by Habib Beye’s cover tackle were worthy of note. Newcastle produced even less, just a half chance for Obafemi Martins from a José Enrique cross that the striker was not quite sharp enough to accept.

Martins also shot high and wide early in the second half when a misjudgment by John Terry allowed him a run at goal. It was already beginning to look as though a scrappy game would only produce a goal through a defensive mistake and that is how it proved, though the error was Newcastle’s and the beneficiaries Chelsea. Fabricio Coloccini was too ponderous on the edge of his own area, allowing Anelka first to block his clearance then beat him to the loose ball, Anelka’s shot over the advancing Harper bounced up off the crossbar and Frank Lampard followed up for an easy header into an unguarded net.

That might have been enough to see off Newcastle, who had never looked much like scoring, though just to make sure Chelsea scored a second nine minutes later. Anelka was involved again, heading on an upfield clearance that came all the way from Petr Cech for Florent Malouda to easily turn Ryan Taylor and shoot past an exposed Harper.

Newcastle were possibly unlucky when Ashley Cole cleared Michael Owen’s shot from a position the striker spent some time insisting was at least a foot behind the line. Replays suggested Owen might have had a point, though it would have been a difficult decision for the assistant to award, and Rob Styles did check before waving play on. Shearer had a moan about it too when he checked his monitor but, being powerless to do anything about it, had to revert to striking a succession of macho poses in the technical area and occasionally appealing for free kicks. A bit like his final days as a player, in fact. Losing to Chelsea is no disgrace, though it is the powerless feeling Shearer is going to have to come to terms with, and quickly.

• Shearer appointed until end of season
• Former captain becomes club’s fifth manager of the season

Alan Shearer is to take over as Newcastle United’s manager until the end of the season in a sensational move which will see the club’s former captain, who has no coaching experience, charged with the task of avoiding relegation.

Newcastle sit third from bottom of the Premier League and have turned to their popular former striker after a desperate run of form under the caretaker manager, Chris Hughton, and amid concerns over the health of Joe Kinnear.

Kinnear was appointed as a short-term “firefighter” in September but has not worked since undergoing a triple heart bypass operation in February. He has an appointment with a cardiologist on Monday but the club has decided in advance of that to make a managerial change.

Shearer has long been expected to take the reins at St James’ Park at some point but it is something of a surprise that he has chosen to do so amid such turbulence and uncertainty over the club’s future. His appointment comes after the owner, Mike Ashley, had ignored him in the past.

Shearer signalled earlier this season that he was ready to accept the job in the right circumstances but the team looked in a far healthier position at that point despite the departure of Kevin Keegan as manager. Newcastle have won just one of their past 12 league games, a narrow victory over the bottom club West Bromwich Albion, and Shearer’s first two matches in charge look daunting. He will start on Saturday at home to Chelsea and then take the team to Newcastle’s fellow strugglers Stoke City for a crucial game.

Opinion is likely to be divided among Newcastle fans over Shearer’s appointment. Although many will be delighted to see their former hero back, other may be concerned by his lack of managerial experience. He becomes the fourth person to take charge at the club this season, with the owner, Mike Ashley, finally deciding he could no longer allow the team to drift under Hughton while waiting for Kinnear to recover from surgery.

It seems highly unlikely that Shearer’s appointment will not turn out to be a longer-term deal, even though Ashley’s own future at the club is uncertain after he tried to sell Newcastle earlier this season. In the immediate term, though, nothing matters to both men other than gathering enough points from the remaining eight games to ensure safety.

The West Brom manager as Zebedee, Ivan Drago and a rather jaunty hat

• Spaniard was honoured by La Liga overtures
• Gazidis claims player wants to stay at Emirates

Cesc Fábregas will not leave Arsenal whatever the overtures of Barcelona and Real Madrid, according to the London club’s chief executive, Ivan Gazidis.

The Spain international was quoted by the press in his homeland last week as saying it is a “huge honour” that the two biggest clubs in La Liga have expressed an interest in him. With Fábregas permitted under Fifa rules to buy out his contract from January, Arsenal would be powerless to keep their captain if he were determined to leave.

Gazidis says Fábregas has repeatedly told him and the manager, Arsène Wenger, that he wants to stay at the north London club. “I can’t marry the stories I read with the reality,” said Gazidis, “which is that Cesc is extremely happy at Arsenal, totally committed to the club. I don’t know the stories or the context in which the statements were made but I’m very confident that Cesc is committed to the club.”

That will come as a relief to Arsenal fans who have read similar tales about their players’ apparently vacillating commitment to the Emirates Stadium. Robin van Persie, Emmanuel Adebayor and Theo Walcott have all appeared to issue conditional pledges when asked about their futures. Gazidis was bullish about the prospects of stability of personnel. “We believe that the environment we create is very special, the wages we pay are competitive and we will invest money in the squad intelligently and thoughtfully.

Not that Gazidis is any more satisfied with the club’s travails in imposing themselves on the Premier League this season. Only by taking advantage of Aston Villa’s single-point return from their last five league matches have Arsenal entered the top four this month.

The former Major League Soccer chief executive stressed that the club expected more of those who may have been looking abroad for their next employment opportunity.

“If we want to be the club that we want to be, we have to be competing for the Premier League championship and it’s not good enough for us to be in fourth place,” he said. “I can be confident but I can’t guarantee success because success depends on those very players.”

So Van Persie’s words, uttered from his national team training camp yesterday, will have emboldened Gazidis. “I’m still in negotiations with Arsenal, and it’s going well – in a very positive atmosphere,” said the forward, who has pulled out of the Holland squad to face Macedonia tonight because of a groin strain. “There are further meetings planned.

“Financially Arsenal’s last offer is fine but that isn’t everything for me. It’s about my ambitions and how they can be fulfilled. The club and I want the same and it’s our intention to achieve that. We have all the other factors in place – fantastic stadium, dedicated support and money in the bank.”Arsenal are indeed unarguably solvent, despite the noise over their Highbury Square development,, but much depends on their continued and lucrative participation in the Champions League. There are no clauses in the players’ contracts obliging their pay to be adjusted downwards in that event, meaning that the £100m wage bill would remain flat even while revenues dipped by up to £40m.

Gazidis said that due to the club’s long-term financial planning and sponsorship agreements that this would not affect it them over the next 18 months, but enduring failure could eventually lead to implosion. “The revenue levels to service the contracts are levels we are comfortable with and those player contracts are at levels that are sustainable for us,” said Gazidis.

Although it appears increasingly likely that Arsenal will indeed be competing in the Champions League for an 11th successive season there have been other distractions for Arsenal the club in recent weeks. The events following the FA Cup quarter-final defeat of Hull City at the Emirates Stadium still hang over the club, with Hull issuing a formal complaint this week alleging that Fábregas spat at the assistant manager, Brian Horton.

An element of that protest was that the Arsenal captain, who had not been part of the playing squad that evening, entered the pitch in a hooded top and jeans. But Gazidis defends the Spaniard. “Arsène certainly believes that it is important that the players not playing be part of the team on game day, there’s no rule prohibiting that,” he said.

• Spurs’ move is due for completion in 2013-14
• Waiting list for season tickets stretches to 22,000

Tottenham Hotspur have announced that the capacity of their proposed new stadium will be 58,237 and, as they push towards the submission of a planning application later this year, they hope to complete their move in the 2013-14 season.

The club, in the throes of a second and final public consultation period, believe they have outgrown their White Hart Lane ground, which can hold only 36,214 fans; they have another 22,000 on the waiting list for season tickets. They have drawn up plans to build a new stadium to the north of the current site and they intend to continue playing at White Hart Lane while the construction takes place.

That may not be for some time. The chairman, Daniel Levy, estimated last October that planning, if and when granted, would take 12-24 months and the building programme a further three years. Naming rights to the stadium will be an essential part of its funding.

Tottenham say they are not chasing a headline capacity figure and they have prioritised the quality of the seating and getting fans as close to the pitch as possible – closer certainly than in comparable new builds such as Arsenal’s Emirates stadium and Manchester City’s Eastlands. The stadium will accommodate 1,358 supporters in 132 corporate boxes.